What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
