dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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