So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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