i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
