I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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