they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
