My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
