i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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