i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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