So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
