After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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