I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
