I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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