Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
id be glad to
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
