I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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