I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
