Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
