I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
