yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
