Got a toothbrush?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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