dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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