I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
