he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
