I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
