I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
