'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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