I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's Friday. Sex?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
