sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
