I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
