I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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