hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
