I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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