After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
