READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
