He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
