somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
