The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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