I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
