I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
