she was so not down for the gang bang
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
