What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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