I think I died a long time ago.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
