You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
