Will you blow on my dice?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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