i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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