After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So vagazzling was a success
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
