I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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