You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
false alarm. still invincible.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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