sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
