I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
