She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
