I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
