so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
