oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
